On December 31st, 2025 we encounter aliens in Tampa. They don't seem especially dangerous, but they keep breaking store windows, ruining mailboxes, and destroying cars. We can't quite figure out whether to hold them accountable for what they're doing. That is, we can't quite figure out whether we should think of them as persons. How would Aristotle and Frankfurt each tell us to decide? [Be sure to quote from their texts] In particular, if we have a hard time speaking with the aliens, what clues should we be looking for to determine if they are persons?