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Gottman has found that some marriage partners have a greater and more frequent need for emotional connection, while their spouse may have a greater need for independence and autonomy in the marriage. As discussed by Gottman, the best thing couples can do when this difference exists is:

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Answer: Talk about the difference

For Gottman  the problem is not in conflicts, as they are common and inevitable, it is in the mechanisms that are activated when problems arise.

As a result, couples who break up often get stuck in negative emotions that lead to a self-destructive cycle; consistent in employing communication mechanisms that hurt and are ineffective in resolving or accepting the situation.

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